My Messed Up Life
by Carly Lou
Summary: These are some things of the past that come back and repeat themselves with consequences for Rose who will she trust the most to turn to?
1. Chapter 1

**Reawakening Memories**

"Rosemarie Hathaway how many times have I told you about your behaviour but this oversteps the line by miles" blah, blah, blah

Bitch Kirova was talking (well shouting) to me and my best friend, my sister, my charge about how breaking out of the school was wrong pfffttt

When she told me it was a childish act I snapped "You couldn't look after her when she needed protection the most she came to begging me to take her away from here so I followed the one rule of they come first and took her away from here"

Everyone looked astonished

I looked at the Belikov guy he was the least shocked like he knew this was coming

In the end it turned out me being his student so I could train in combat with him.

He was my mentor

After the meeting Comrade and me were walking back to my dorm I found out his dorm was just opposite mine. Just Great

I had the rest of the week before my classes started up again so I caught up with an old friend called Mason Ashford

"Hey" I said seductively to Mason

Comrade rolled his eyes

"Hey long time no see" Mason replied back

I smiled

That's when Jesse Zeklos, Eddie Castile and a few others came up to me and just talking.

After we finished talking me and Comrade walked to the gym

He looked tense

"What's wrong Comrade?" I asked

"Do you have no other female friends other than Vasilisa" he asked. Okay.

"No not really" I replied

"Why?" I asked

"No reason" he replied

"So what are we doing" I asked

"For now just learning about each other" he replied

I gave him a weird look

"Like I'm going to be with you for the next two years we might as well know each other" he said

I nodded I could see his point

So we talked for a little while and I found out his name was Dimitri

It was still Comrade to me.

I spent the rest of the day with Mason well we did used to date and we did lose our virginities to each other.

I admit I still loved Mason he is like my best friend next to Lissa

Then Mason shocked me by saying "I know it's like your first day back and everything but I need to let you know I still love you"

My eyes went wide and I automatically said back "I still love you too" and I meant it

So Mason leaned in and gave me a kiss I started to kiss him back and it got a little bit more passionate as our tops came off

Until someone cleared their throat

There stood Lissa and Dimitri

"Do you know the rules around here Rose?" Dimitri asked angrily

I nodded and said "Like I follow rules"

He gave me a dangerous glare and told Mason to leave

Mason left with Lissa but not before kissing me on the head and giving me an apologetic smile

I turned to Dimitri disappointment was evident on his face

"Put your top back on" he said angrily

I was about to argue and he could clearly see this

So he said "Don't Bother"

So I sighed and put my top back

"So what now" I asked

"Ms Kirova said I am to share a dorm with you so you can't sneak out" he said

My jaw dropped

"I hate you" I said with venom

He looked at me

"Why" he asked

"I only have one fucking childhood and I don't appreciate you taking that fucking away" I screamed at him

He grabbed me and pinned me down to the floor

"NO it's going to happen again" I thought

I started screaming

"STOP, STOP, STOP" I screamed I had tears pouring down my face and I started shaking

Dimitri noticed and got off of me

"Rose what's wrong" he asked

I was crying in a heap on the floor by now

"Rose" Dimitri said more gently and put his hand on my shoulder

I flinched "No" I shouted

After about 15 minutes of trying to calm down I finally stood up with shaking hands

"I'm sorry" I said finally

"Do you want to talk?" Dimitri asked

I shook my head

"Not yet" I said

I wasn't ready to tell anyone what happened to me when I was 15 just yet

I remember being compelled by Jesse Zeklos to sleep with him and he took my blood making me seem like a real Bloodwhore

I was still edgy around him

But I wasn't going to let anyone know that yet

"Can I just go to bed" I asked feeling suddenly tired

Dimitri nodded

"Goodnight Rose" he said softly

"Night Comrade" I said


	2. I Trust You

**I Trust You**

I woke up the next day to a concerned looking Dimitri

"I'm fine" I said

"Are you sure? You know you can trust me and talk to me if you need to don't you?" I nodded

"Thank you Comrade and I will tell you but all in good time when I feel like I'm ready okay" I said

He nodded

"Come on your late for practice" He said

I smiled and got ready

We walked down to the gym

On the way to the gym we saw Jesse

"How are you Hathaway" He said with patronizing eyes

"Busy" I retorted

He gripped my arm tighter

"If you need me you know where to find me" He said and let go

I rubbed my arm where Jesse just gripped it

Jesse's grip was gonna leave a bruise

I winced

"He's a jerk" I said

"The royals shouldn't treat us like that we protect them!" Dimitri shouted angrily fists clenched tight by his side

"That as well but to me that's normal royal Moroi behaviour. He's a jerk to me for another reason" I said

"Did he hurt you bad?" Dimitri asked looking at my arm

"Nah its fine" I said

He reached out and touched my arm to check it

I flinched out of his touch

I knew I could trust him hell he was sleeping in a bed next to mine but I couldn't help but be wary.

Dimitri looked at me as if he was a curious puppy

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"Tell me more about you because I can't help notice that there is something missing" Dimitri said

I sighed

"Okay I will tell just please don't judge" I said

He looked concerned again but nodded

"I only have a couple of friends here and they are Lissa and Mason" I started

"Everyone else here believes I am different so they tear me down I get told I am hated a lot and that no one will ever except and that I won't ever be loved by anyone" I said in a small voice.

Dimitri's face turned soft

"That's all I want just someone to care yes granted Lissa and Mason are there for me but I let them say they aren't friends with me so they won't be hated either" I took a breath

"I'm not welcome in the canteen or to sit with others in class that's why I sit on my own which you will find out on Monday" I said

"So now you can see why I'm sort of jumpy around others" I said

Dimitri nodded "Lord Zeklos in particular" he said

"Not for that reason though" I said

"Then why?" Dimitri asked

"A few years ago he compelled me to have sex with him" I sighed

Dimitri looked furious

"That's not all while he was doing that to me he compelled me to let him take my blood" I said feeling tears start to form and looked down

"Rose don't be ashamed it wasn't your fault" Dimitri said

"Jesse also said why he did it he said that every guy wants to do that to me because all I'm good for and that I will never ever amount to anything at all." I said whilst crying

Dimitri oh so gently wrapped his arms around me I leaned into his embrace and he just held me while I cried.

"I'm sorry for breaking down like that I just try to keep myself busy so I don't have to think about it" I finished

"Come on you could use some rest" he said

We walked back to our dorm

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The next morning I was walking down a corridor when I saw Mason and Lissa

"Hey" I said

"Hey Rose" They said back

I smiled

Then a group of Moroi came round the corner

"Well, well" Ralf said

"Mason, Lissa why are you talking to that are you actually friends with her" He said

"Well yes" Lissa said

Ralf laughed outright

"Well you have a choice you can hang out with that" he pointed to me "and have the whole school treat you like shit or you can walk away from her and never look back" Ralf finished

I weighed out my options

Lissa has a boyfriend, a group of important royal/dhampir friends

Mason has his boys, his mates, his reputation

Both of them are popular and wanted

"Go" I said to them

"Really" Lissa and Mason said together I nodded

"You don't need me" I said

They smiled and let out a sigh of relief

I was confused

"At least we don't need to tell her the truth now" Mason said

"What do you guys mean?" I asked

"We pretended to like you and be your friend" Lissa said

"What? No that can't be true" I said not believing what I was hearing

"It is Rose we both used you. I used you for sex and Lissa used you to get her out of the academy because let's face it, you have nothing much to lose you were the only person that fitted the job to take Lissa out because it didn't matter if you got expelled or sent to the blood whore communities cause that's where you truly belong" Mason said

They turned and walked off

I had tears streaming down my cheeks.

I just wanted to go to my room at that point

So I turned back round to walk back to my room and I walked slap bang into Dimitri

I could tell by his facial expression that he just saw everything that had happened between me, Lissa and Mason

"Let's go back to the room" he said

Then I thought about it. They hurt me they don't deserve my tears or my sadness. I just need to be strong and move on.

I shook my head

"No let's go to the gym instead" I said

We walked to the gym in silence and Dimitri turned the country station on I smiled he loved the country music.

A song then came on the radio and it was perfect for how I felt I asked Dimitri what the song was called and he said it was called My Wish by someone called Rascal Flatts I think his name was and this is the song:

My Wish by Rascal Flatts:

I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow  
>And each road leads you where you want to go<br>And if you're faced with the choice and you have to choose  
>I hope you choose the one that means the most to you<p>

And if one door opens to another door closed  
>I hope you keep on walkin' til you find the window<br>If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile  
>But more than anything, more than anything<p>

My wish for you  
>Is that this life becomes all that you want it to<br>Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small  
>You never need to carry more than you can hold<p>

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to  
>I hope you know somebody loves you<br>And wants the same things too  
>Yeah, this is my wish<p>

I hope you never look back but you never forget  
>All the ones who love you and the place you left<br>I hope you always forgive and you never regret  
>And you help somebody every chance you get<p>

Oh, you'd find God's grace in every mistake  
>And always give more than you take<br>But more than anything, yeah more than anything

My wish for you  
>Is that this life becomes all that you want it to<br>Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small  
>You never need to carry more than you can hold<p>

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to  
>I hope you know somebody loves you<br>And wants the same things too  
>Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah<p>

My wish for you  
>Is that this life becomes all that you want it to<br>Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small  
>You never need to carry more than you can hold<p>

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to  
>I hope you know somebody loves you<br>And wants the same things too  
>Yeah, this is my wish<br>(My wish for you)

This is my wish  
>(My wish for you)<br>I hope you know somebody loves you  
>(My wish for you)<br>May all your dreams stay big  
>(My wish for you)<p>

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That song definitely was now my favourite song.

Dimitri looked at me and I think he knew what I was thinking

"Let's Go" I said


	3. I'm Going To Miss HomeNOT!

**I'm Going To Miss Home...NOT!**

I felt terrible

I felt alone

Except for Dimitri I have no friends

Do I want to be here anymore? No

Do I feel I belong here? No

"Good Morning" Dimitri said softly

I nodded

"Rose I want you to tell me honestly. How do you feel about going somewhere else away from here and never come back" he asked

I nodded "It sounds like a dream come true. A fresh start to start all over again"

Dimitri nodded

"If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go" he asked

"Russia" I stated

His eyes widened

"Really" he asked

I nodded

"Come on then" he said

I got up ready to start practice and Dimitri gave me a confused look

I stared at him

"What are you doing?" I asked

"What are you doing?" he asked back

"Getting ready for practice" I said

"Why?" he asked

"Because you said come on then, as in ready to start practice" I said

He shook his head

"No I meant come on we need to go pack our plane leaves in 4 hours" he said

My eyes widened and I smiled

I ran to my room to pack

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2 hours later Dimitri and I stood outside the airport ready to board the plane

"You ready?" he asked

"You bet I am" I said

I got on the plane and as it took off I took one look back at my home and the one word that came to mind was HOORAY!

An hour into the trip I felt sleepy

"Relax Roza and get some sleep" Dimitri said

I nodded and fell asleep

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"Roza"

"Roozzzaaa"

"ROZA!"

I sat upright "What" I hissed

"We're here" Dimitri said

I was momentarily confused and then and then remembered everything and smiled

"So where are we staying" I asked

"With my family" Dimitri smiled

I could tell he was excited about seeing them again

I couldn't help but smile at that

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We had been travelling for 5 hours

"Comrade, can we stop?" I asked politely

"No" he said

WHAT?

"But I need to pee" I said

"Well hold it" He said

"Okay but if I bleed all over the seat and my clothes it's your fault" I said evilly

Dimitri gulped nervously at the thought of a woman's monthlies

"S-S-S-ure, next service station is 1 mile away" he stuttered out

I laughed

He shot me a look that said this was not amusing

He then started uncomfortably

"D-D-Do you need a-a-anything?" he asked

I shook my head

I then went into my bag grabbed my tampon and said

"No see I'm all good" he paled considerably

He seemed uncomfortable. HAHA SUCKA

"You seem uncomfortable Comrade, what's wrong?" I asked innocently

"Nothing" he said quickly

"Are you sure" I asked

He nodded

We then pulled into the services and I got out

"You coming in" I asked

He hesitated but nodded

He was rigid as if he didn't want to be near me. I knew why

"I will be right back" I said when I saw the toilets

He coughed and nodded

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After I had been to the toilet I walked out

"Better?" Dimitri questioned

I nodded

We grabbed some food before we left

We got back into the car and started driving again

We had 2 hours left to drive.

BORING!

"Comrade?" I asked innocently

"Hmm" he said

"Can we listen to music?" I asked

He nodded

And turned it to a old radio station thinking I would hate it

Well unfortunately I don't mind a bit of the old music so HA!

One of my favourite songs came on

Drive – By Alan Jackson

_It was painted red the stripe was white  
>It was 18 feet from the bow to stern light<br>Second-hand from a dealer in Atlanta  
>I rode up with daddy when he went there to get her<br>We put on a shine, put on a motor  
>Built out of love, and made for the water<br>Ran her for years, til' the transom got rotten  
>A piece of my childhood will never be forgotten<em>

I started singing along

_It was just an old plywood boat  
>With a 75 Johnson with electric choke<br>A young boy two hands on the wheel  
>I can't replace the way it made me feel<br>And I would turn her sharp  
>And I would make it whine<br>He'd say, "You can't beat the way a old wood boat rides"  
>Just a little lake cross the Alabama line<br>But I was king of the ocean  
>When Daddy let me drive<em>

Dimitri looked at open mouthed and shocked

_Just an old half ton short bed ford  
>My Uncle bought new in 64<br>Daddy got it right cause the engine was smoking  
>A couple of burnt valves and he had it going<br>He'd let me drive her when we haul off a load  
>Down a dirt strip where we'd dump trash off of Thickpen Road<br>I'd sit up in the seat and stretch my feet out to the pedals  
>Smiling like a hero who just received his medal<em>

Dimitri joined in

_It was just an old hand me down ford  
>With 3 speed on the column and a dent in the door<br>A young boy two hands on the wheel  
>I can't replace the way it made me feel and<br>I would press that clutch  
>And I would keep it right<br>He would say a little slower son  
>Your doing just fine<br>Just a dirt road with trash on each side  
>But I was Mario Andretti<br>When Daddy let me drive_

_I'm grown up now  
>3 daughters of my own<br>I let them drive my old jeep  
>Across the pasture at our home<br>Maybe one day they'll reach back in their file  
>And pull out that old memory<br>And think of me and smile  
>And say<em>

_It was just an old worn out jeep  
>Rusty old floor boards<br>Hot on my feet  
>A young girl two hands on the wheel<br>I can't replace the way it made me feel  
>And he'd say<br>Turn it left, and steer it right  
>Straighten up girl now, you're doing just fine<br>Just a little valley by the river where we'd ride  
>But I was high on a mountain<em>

_When Daddy let me drive_

_Daddy let me drive_

_Oh he let me drive_

_It's just an old plywood boat  
>With a 75 Johnson<br>And electric choke_

"That was fun" I said when the song finished

Dimitri nodded in agreement

After a few more songs and a conversation that included Dimitri telling me about his family

We finally pulled up at the Belikov's house

Dimitri knocked on the door

A girl who looked about my age answered

"Hello" she started

"You must be Rose. It's nice to meet you" she hugged me

I felt happy

It was the first time someone had ever greeted me like that.


End file.
